Achtung: Kommunikation – Bitte Packungsbeilage beachten!

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For so much, there are detailed instructions or package inserts, one can read, but not for the most important: living together with other people: communication between us all!

Certainly you know , that there are many different models of communication. You probably have that in discussions or conflicts not always in mind, like most of us. Here I have created a communications package insert for this reason, that can help you, to avoid conflicts or understand the other person a little better.

Caution: Now it starts with the package insert for communication!

Model #1: The iceberg model

This idea of ​​a communication model you can actually imagine like an iceberg : 20 % are visible, and 80 % lie beneath the surface.

For a better understanding, here is the model well illustrated:

https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eisbergmodell#/media/Datei:Eisbergmodell.png

It is like that in human relationships. When we say something, then we will give only a small part away, than what we think or actually communicate. Because:

“Every communication has a content- and a relationship aspect, with the latter determines the first

Paul Watzlawick

That means: what we say or communicate nonverbally, is always determined by the fact, what we feel and how we relate to the other. Here, our feeling outweighs the, fact we wanted to communicate.

We want to give a kind of information , for example. : please clear out the dishwasher.

Actually quite a simple statement, but…

advertising

Model #2: The “Four-ear model

So we have the sentence: please clear out the dishwasher.

This statement we can now at four different levels (miss-)understand:

1 .) The factual level

Here we understand the information: the dishwasher is full and needs to be cleared.

Even the addressee hear this fact on a neutral level.

2.) The level of self-declaration

What I admit with this statement. In this case, perhaps (hidden under a lot of iceberg): I have worked long and am tired, I have no desire, I have already cleared the last time etc.

The other can, depends on mood, interpret here an indictment in this sentence: Why did you not cleared out the dishwasher??

3.) The relationship level

What I think of you: for example. Do not you see, I'm tired? Why did you not cleared it a long time ago ? Why do I always have to do everything?

The relation level is the most difficult to interpret , because here are just feelings in the game, no facts.

Thus, the partner might think in this case,: Does he / she thinks I'm lazy? Why should I always do this? I have done it the last time!

advertising

4.) The appeal level

What I want to achieve? CLEAR THE DISHWASHER !

Here, if only the fact was heared, then there are no problems, then one will remove the machine, without thinking about doing it, except: one of us has to do it.

Another thought might be, founded on the self-declaration and the emotional level, that now is a good time, to let out all these negative thoughts and a dispute arises.

You see, that only the factual level is the clearest. The other levels have nothing to do with the actual topic, they run in the background and no one knows, why you fought about that.

Steve de Shazer, the founder of brief therapy said, and I think rightly:

There are only misunderstandings – the only question is, whether productive or unproductive”

Steve de Shazer

To this end, may help my previous post:

6 easy ways, to bring positive changes into your life: part 2

Caution: Communication by listening

So actually listening is the most important thing . When we listen properly, and that means, ask, if something is unclear to you, then it can rarely lead to unproductive misunderstandings and more consensus.

Communication
ask

Real listening means e.g.. that after the other person has ended speaking, to ask: “you mean…?” or “Have I understood that correctly, that…?” , “So you see that so and so…”.

Simply all questions, that show, that you have listened carefully, give the other a good feeling . And at the end ther are no misunderstandings between you, that could threaten cooperation.

Too often we interpret our own thoughts and feelings in the statements of others, which often leads to complications. With targeted inquiries you can greatly reduce and automatically improve your communication with all other people .

Model #3: Nonverbal communication

One can not Not communicate.

Paul Wazlawick

That means, that communication does not take place only verbally, but also through gestures, looks and acts.

The one I like most of all is the mirror technique. Here you imitate, of course, not too flashy, the conversation partner and so provides a resonance.

READ  Basic trust - the first and most valuable gift

Conventional techniques are mirror:

  • Customize your own breath the other, d.h. to breathe in unison
  • reflect gestures, which the other has just used, to explain something
  • adjust the posture, for example. you also cross your legs, prop up the head, tilt the head sideward, and the like
  • Verbally can be mirrored, by simply again repeat that just been said as a question.

Through these techniques, the so-called rapport is established, a basis of trust for your interlocutor. And of course when we feel the interest and appreciation of people, who understand us, that is very pleasant.

Back down or gain?

Unfortunately, there is always something, what stands in our way, to communicate optimally : our ego.

Our ego loves to be right. We will not back down, because that would mean, we lose. And who likes to lose, whether it be in a competition or discussion.

Only when we manage, to suppress our ego so far, that we can see, how much we actually win, if we “give in”, we can gain as much.

Especially in partnerships is how many it “to win”, whether it be a discussion or an argument. In such a confrontation but we can not win, in the worst case we lose the partner, that we really love.

So it seems advisable, simply back down at times and still emerge as “winner” ,, who has avoided the fight and saved his relationship.

Caution: What is more important?

Just think in any discussion, with every other person, if the issue is worth it, to argue about and perhaps breaks a friendship, a love or a family relationship .

I think, no subject is worth the risk, to crackle important relationships and therefore I have learned, also back down, relent and change the subject.

Summary
Question mark

advertising

Summary of the communications package insert: Please note!

Here I summarize again the most important of my statements together briefly:

  • Don´t interpret anything into the statements of other people, ask for clarification
  • Ask specific questions, to ensure, that you have understood everything correctly
  • Repeat the gist of your conversation partner, so he knows, you understood whathe was saying
  • Mirror your opposite unobtrusively, to create rapport
  • Back down, than to get involved in a confrontation. No opinion is worth, to break relationships

 

Model #4 :formulate positive

start by, already formulating postive in your thoughts. Cut out words like this “got to”, “should or "must"” “may” from your vocabulary. These words are connected to external pressure. Because if you have to do something, then it's not your free choice to do this.

It is also in communication with a partner. The person also does not want to hear, about what he “got to” or “should or "must". These formulations complicate communication, because the other feels pressured. And that's not a good basis, that will lead to a satisfactory communication.

Replace this predicament- Words by personal desires. Just think you:: “I want” “I would like to” “I can” I do…”.

Everything can, nothing has to be!

It requires a little practice, keep telling yourself to remember, that you do not have, but can and want to, sooner or later it works almost automatically. every time, if you catch yourself, that you something “must” or “shalt”, think about you, that it is indeed something, what you want or, neutral, can can.

An example: “I still have to do my shopping.”

The reformulation neutalste here would: I go shopping” or “I still want to ….(what you want) shopping!”

change these terms and your attitudes in a positive way. Because if you no longer have to, but all can, Do you feel better.

Likewise, your interlocutor feels less pressured, if he “can” instead of “got to”.

Formulate different!

You see, with very simple reformulations You can even change a lot on your inner attitude and think positive in the future and communicate.

Have fun trying!

Subscribe to my newsletter list, then you will be notified automatically, when my next post will be released.

No fear, I do not like it myself, to be bombarded with e-mails, so you can be sure, that you will receive a short notification of the new release.

I thank you for your trust!

If you liked my post and the content, please leave a comment , please also particularly, if you yourself have any more suggestions.

If my advice you have helped, please let me know! Thank you for your interest!!

I'm advertising here products , are helpful and behind which I stand. If you make a purchase via one of the links on this page, it may be, I deserve a little part in it. You suffers no disadvantage. As Amazon affiliate I earn for qualified sales.

advertising

Subscribe to my newsletter list, then you will be notified automatically, when the next post is released.

No fear, I do not like it myself, to be bombarded with e-mails, so you can be sure, that you will receive a short notification of the new release.

I thank you for your trust!

 

Caution: Communication – Please note leaflet!

This post contains advertising.

READ  Gratitude and Appreciation-2 Magical Happy Makers

For so much, there are detailed instructions or package inserts one can read but not for the most important: living together with other people and the communication between us !

Certainly you know that there are many different models of communication. You probably have that in discussions or conflicts not always in mind, like most of us. Here I have created a communications package insert that can help you to avoid conflicts or understand the other person a little better.

Caution: Now it starts with the package insert for communication!

Table of Contents

Model #1: The iceberg model

This idea of ​​a communication model you can actually imagine like an iceberg : 20 % are visibl, and 80 % lie beneath the surface.

For a better understanding, here is the model well illustrated:

https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eisbergmodell#/media/Datei:Eisbergmodell.png

It is like that in human relationships. When we say something, then we will give only a small part away than what we really think or actually communicate. Because:

“Every communication has a content- and a relationship aspect, with the latter determines the first

Paul Watzlawick

That means: what we say or communicate nonverbally is always determined by the fact what we feel and how we relate to the other. Here our feeling outweighs the fact we wanted to communicate.

We want to give a kind of information, for example : please clear out the dishwasher.

Actually quite a simple statement, but…

advertising

Shop Calendars.com Now!

Model #2: The “Four-ear model

So we have the sentence: please clear out the dishwasher.

This statement we can now at four different levels (miss-)understand:

1 .) The factual level

Here we understand the information: the dishwasher is full and needs to be cleared.

Even the addressee hear this fact on a neutral level.

2.) The level of self-declaration

What I admit with this statement. In this case, perhaps (hidden under a lot of iceberg): I have worked long and am tired, I have no desire, I have already cleared the last time etc.

The other can, depends on mood, interpret here an indictment in this sentence: Why did you not cleared out the dishwasher??

3.) The relationship level

What I think of you: for example. Do not you see, I’m tired? Why did you not cleared it a long time ago ? Why do I always have to do everything?

The relation level is the most difficult to interpret , because here are just feelings in the game, no facts.

READ 6 easy ways, to bring positive changes into your life: part 2

Thus, the partner might think in this case: Does he / she thinks I’m lazy? Why should I always do this? I have done it the last time!

advertising

BetterWorldBooks.com
4.) The appeal level

What I want to achieve? CLEAR THE DISHWASHER !

Here, if only the fact was heared then there are no problems, then one of you will clean out the machine without thinking about doing it,except: one of us has to do it.

Another thought might be, founded on the self-declaration and the emotional level, that now is a good time to let out all these negative thoughts and a dispute arises.

You see, that only the factual level is the clearest. The other levels have nothing to do with the actual topic, they run in the background and no one knows why you fought about that.

Steve de Shazer, the founder of brief therapy said, and I think rightly:

There are only misunderstandings – the only question is, whether productive or unproductive”

Steve de Shazer

To this end my previous post may help :

6 easy ways, to bring positive changes into your life: part 2

Caution: Communication by listening

So actually listening is the most important thing. When we listen properly, and that means ask if something is unclear to you, then it can rarely lead to unproductive misunderstandings and more consensus.

Communication
ask

Real listening means e.g.. that after the other person has ended speaking, to ask: “you mean…?” or “Have I understood that correctly, that…?” , “So you see that so and so…”.

Simply all questions that show that you have listened carefully give the other a good feeling. And at the end there are no misunderstandings between you that could threaten cooperation.

Too often we interpret our own thoughts and feelings in the statements of others which often leads to complications. With targeted inquiries you can greatly reduce and automatically improve your communication with all other people .

Model #3: Nonverbal communication

One can not Not communicate.

Paul Wazlawick

That means, that communication does not take place only verbally, but also through gestures, looks and acts.

The one I like most of all is the mirror technique. Here you imitate, of course not too flashy the conversation partner and so provides a resonance.

Conventional techniques are mirror:

  • Customize your own breath the other,e.g. to breathe in unison
  • reflect gestures, which the other has just used to explain something
  • adjust the posture, for example. You also cross your legs, prop up the head, tilt the head sideward, and the like
  • Verbally can be mirrored, by simply again repeat that just been said as a question.
READ  6 easy ways, to bring positive changes into your life: part 2

READ 6 easy ways, to bring positive changes into your life: part 2

Through these techniques, the so-called rapport is established, a basis of trust for your interlocutor. And of course when we feel the interest and appreciation of people who understand us that is very pleasant.

Back down or gain?

Unfortunately, there is always something, what stands in our way, to communicate optimally : our ego.

Our ego loves to be right. We will not back down, because that would mean we lose. And who likes to lose, whether it be in a competition or discussion.

Only when we manage to suppress our ego so far that we can see how much we actually win if we “give in”, we can gain as much.

Especially in partnerships is how many it “to win”, whether it be a discussion or an argument. In such a confrontation but we can not win, in the worst case we lose the partner that we really love.

So it seems advisable to simply back down at times and still emerge as “winner” who has avoided the fight and saved his relationship.

Caution: What is more important?

Just think in any discussion with every other person if the issue is worth to argue about and perhaps breaks a friendship, a love or a family relationship .

I think no subject is worth the risk to crackle important relationships and therefore I have learned also back down, relent and change the subject.

Summary
Question mark

advertising

Celebrate World Book Day 2020 with a 50% coupon for the Springer Store.

Summary of the communications package insert: Please note!

Here I summarize again the most important of my statements together briefly:

  • Don´t interpret anything into the statements of other people, ask for clarification
  • Ask specific questions to ensure that you have understood everything correctly
  • Repeat the gist of your conversation partner, so he knows you understood whathe was saying
  • Mirror your opposite unobtrusively to create rapport
  • Back down, than to get involved in a confrontation. No opinion is worth to break relationships

Model #4 : formulate positive

Start by formulating postive in your thoughts. Cut out words like this “got to”, “should ormust” “may” from your vocabulary. These words are connected to external pressure. Because if you have to do something, then it’s not your free choice to do this.

It is also in communication with a partner. The person also does not want to hear about what he “got to” or “should ormust”. These formulations complicate communication, because the other feels pressured. And that’s not a good basis, that will lead to a satisfactory communication.

READ 6 easy ways, to bring positive changes into your life: part 2

Replace this predicament- Words by personal desires. Just think you:: “I want” “I would like to” “I can” I do…”.

Everything can, nothing has to be!

It requires a little practice to keep telling yourself to remember that you do not have, but can and want to. Sooner or later it works almost automatically. Every time, when you catch yourself that you something “must” or “shalt”, think about it if it is indeed something what you want or neutral, can do.

An example: “I have to go shopping.”

The reformulation neutalste here would: I go shopping” or “I want to ….(what you want) shop!”

Change these terms and your attitudes in a positive way. Because if you no longer have to, but can you do feel better.

Likewise, your interlocutor feels less pressured, if he “can” instead of “got to”.

Formulate different!

You see, with very simple reformulations you can even change a lot on your inner attitude and think positive in the future and communicate.

Have fun trying!

Subscribe to my newsletter list, then you will be notified automatically, when my next post will be released.

No fear, I do not like it myself, to be bombarded with e-mails, so you can be sure, that you will receive a short notification of the new release.

I thank you for your trust!

If you liked my post and the content, please leave a comment , please also particularly, if you yourself have any more suggestions.

If my advice you have helped, please let me know! Thank you for your interest!!

I’m advertising here products , are helpful and behind which I stand. If you make a purchase via one of the links on this page, it may be, I deserve a little part in it. You suffers no disadvantage. As Amazon affiliate I earn for qualified sales.

Subscribe to my newsletter list, then you will be notified automatically, when the next post is released.

No fear, I do not like it myself, to be bombarded with e-mails, so you can be sure, that you will receive a short notification of the new release.

I thank you for your trust!

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Caution: Communication – Please note leaflet!
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2 thoughts on “Caution: Communication – Please note leaflet!

  • 21/05/2020 at 22:33
    Permalink

    Toller Artikel! Ich bin zufällig auf deinen Blog gestoßen. Finde ich wirklich super gemacht! Man sieht – du hast dir wirklich Mühe gegeben. Gerade wenn man seine Beziehung pflegen oder retten will, ist eine gesunde Kommunikation das a und o. Vielen Dank für die deutliche Ausführung deiner Arbeit und deines Artikels! DU leistest hier einen echten Mehrwert!

    Maximilian Sommer
    https://beziehungen-retten.com/

    Reply
    • 22/05/2020 at 6:19
      Permalink

      Vielen Dank Maxi! Ich freue mich sehr über Dein wunderbar positives Feedback und Kompliment.

      Reply

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